A Reluctant Saint

Jeanette Hardage always wanted to be thought of as a regular gal, definitely not as a “saint.” Perhaps she feared that if others thought of her as living on some higher plane of existence, they would not be receptive to her ideas and would impede her ability to have “normal” relationships. And yet, evidence abounds that she was indeed on a more pious track than many of us.

Searching on definitions for “saint,” the first two that Google returns are “a person acknowledged as holy or virtuous and typically regarded as being in heaven after death” and “a very virtuous, kind, or patient person.” Many people would say that both of these definitions describe her pretty well. As one friend of hers said recently, she will always remember Jeanette “as a strong, dedicated woman of God, who is ready to share her love and rich experiences through her sweet smiles and quiet words.”

Jeanette’s letters to friends and family members are infused with love and concern, and sprinkled with many indications that she was praying quite a lot: for their safety, for their recovery from illness or addiction, or for the desires of their heart to be met. One of the strongest memories I have from the delivery of my daughter was of Jeanette praying hard when the going got tough. One gets the sense that she was often in conversation with the Almighty—just as any true saint would be. The poem below, included in her Faith and Other Matters anthology in modified form under the title “Incognito,” shows the tension between her not wanting to be known as a saint, and yet clearly adopting the attitude of one, always working to deepen her relationship to God.

Prayer

Some think I’m what I’m not,
A saintly one, no spot
Of sin to curse
Or make perverse.
Untrue.

Make plain the way I ought
To go, with soul blood-bought.
With pure motive,
So let me live
For You.

Nor let me worse
Make their view.
Again forgive
And make me new.

This poem won second prize in a 1996 Byline contest, in the “Poem in Formal Structure” category.